DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
United States Mint
Washington, D.C.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Subject: Introduction of the "Real America" Circulating Quarter-Dollar Series
WASHINGTON — Today, the United States Mint is proud to pull back the curtain on our most ground-breaking numismatic development of the 21st century. Having exhausted our nation's geography, historic milestones, national parks, and sports leagues, we asked ourselves: What actually unites the day-to-day experience of the modern American citizen?
The answer was clear. It is not our monuments, but our shared minor inconveniences, niche internet obsessions, and unhinged cultural phenomena.
Beginning next quarter, the United States Mint will launch the "Real America" Quarter Dollar Series. This multi-year initiative introduces a revolutionary alloy designed to perfectly mimic the grimy texture of the modern economy while giving our citizens a currency that truly mirrors their daily lives. For the first time in history, the reverse of your 25-cent piece will not look backward at the deep past—it will look directly at the absurdities of the present day.
We invite the public to look closely at their change starting next month, as we debut the first wave of our parodied realities. The inaugural designs include:
1. The US Infrastructure Pothole Classification series; We know everyone will feel a special attachment to these designs seeing as they represent what we all encounter in daily life!

2. The Great American. Mold & Mildew Series which includes the exciting binomial taxonomic nomenclature for each
species!

3. Ever wonder where your drinking water comes from? The US Municipal Sewage Treatment Plants series is here to educate with this new exciting and educational series!

4. The Invasive Earthworm Commemorative Series. Now you will be able to identify those squished worms that show up after the first spring rainfall! Know exactly if your yard has been invaded by non-native species. A subject we all have lost sleep over at one time or other.

All of these exciting new themes are sure to be collectable to future generations.
And lastly we are giving a sneak peak into the never ending boredom inspired by all these series. Below is a picture of a single example of four different US quarter design themes coming to you in the future. Note that just like the Canadian mint pioneered by gluing glass bugs etc. to coins to make collectors items, we will be following in their footsteps by gluing a genuine replica of a plastic bread clip to one of the coins int he junk drawer series (shown below). Note future series will likely include added items to coins such as real (!) paper clips, used staples, grains of sand, genuine Kansas wheat grain husks and dead stink bug carcases! Special proof set issues in clad may also be offered at only $500.00 a set!

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