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Can I request that if the coin does not grade MS69 that it not be slabbed?
Yes but you will still pay for the time.
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Or how can I be sure it will grade 69 before I send it in?
You can't guarantee you will grade a coin the same as a
TPG, heck even they can't grade the same coin twice and always come to the same conlussion, I've had a CC Morgan that I submitted 3 times to PCGS body bagged once for cleaning, then MS63 finally came back in a MS62 holder, I cracked it out and sold it raw my buyer, who then sent it in to PCGS for the fourth time, it got the MS64 I was hoping for on his first try.

I agree just buy them all slabbed in the grade you need from a dealer, but learn to grade, and buy the coin not the holder. To me all modern coins are the same in price MS68 and above, I would never pay a premium for a 69 or 70 grade on a holder, in a modern non circulating issue.
I also am in the camp there is no such thing as a true MS70 or PR70 unless the die was fresh the planchet perfect and dusted off then struck fully, and ejected into glove hands before being slabbed, since that doesn't really happen I believe 99.9% perfect coin should grade PR69 or MS69 and no better. The 70 grade was created by Dr. Sheldon as the ultimate in top end, meaning only a couple at best should ever obtain that illustrious grade, and during his life he never graded a coin a 70.
Too many coins are slabbed in 70 grades today, and many 68 and 69 graded ones I think are over graded.
My opinion only of course.

"Buy the Book Before You Buy the Coin" - Aaron R. Feldman - "And read it" - Me 2013!
ANA Life Member #3288 in good standing since 1981, ANS, Early American Coppers Member (EAC), Colonial Coin Collectors Club member (C4), Conder Token Collector Club member (CTCC), Civil War Token Society (CWTS) member, Liberty Seated Collectors Club (LSCC) & Numismatic Bibliomania Society member (NBS), USMex, Member in good standing, 2¢ variety collector.
See my want page:
http://goccf.com/t/140440