I Just Sent This Letter To An Ebay Buyer

There is a thread here in the Auction Forum section that I initiated called "Idiot ebay buyer" or something close to that. Here is a letter that I just sent (I am not kidding or exaggerting - I really did this) to the same guy referenced in that earlier thread when he came back to me with yet another idiotic question.

You may think this is over the top, but some of you will have to admit that you would have LOVED to do this at some point in your life.

I have altered the 5 middle letters of his name in order to protect his idiotic identity....


Mr. F*****n,

Congratulations! You have taken over first place as the person who is, without a doubt, the most troublesome, under-informed, bumbling person I have EVER run into in 5 years of selling on ebay. You are the very first person to EVER push me over the brink and cause me to write this type of letter. Seriously!

To recap, in chronological order you.

1.) Asked me a bunch of questions about the restored Buffalo nickels I sell on ebay, at which point I directed you to my website for answers
2.) Bid on and won 4 of these nickels from me
3.) Panicked and fired off two emails to me when you didn't understand how to apply my shipping discount - despite the fact that my properly discounted invoice followed within 7 minutes of closing
4.) Left positive feedback for me after receiving the nickels and THEN emailed me to let me know you decided that restored nickels "were not for you" and requested a refund
5.) Immediately sent me another email stating that, despite wanting to return the coins you paid for, you'd like to keep the FREE bonus nickel I included in your shipment
6.) Waited for me to give you instructions for the return AND THEN told me that you had already returned them - incorrectly - and without the free bonus coin
7.) Gave me a sad story about how that bonus coin (1926-P nickel) was the last coin you needed to complete a set you inherited from your father
8.) Finally sent the bonus coin back but not before asking me for my address, again, despite the fact it was right there on the email string you were sending back to me for the umpteenth time
9.) Sent me a "Thank you" email when I informed you that the refund had been issued through PayPal

.and now, today, you send me an email which reads, "I returned several of your coins, and have not seen any type of refund. Will there be any refund issued ?"

Mr. F*****n.let me ask you.have you looked for the refund or are you simply waiting for it to walk up to you and introduce itself to you? If you've looked for it, where exactly have you looked? In the mail? Under your Christmas tree? Perhaps under your pillow? Here's a hint: It will be exactly where I said it would be. It's in your PayPal account. I could even give you the transaction number and the date and point you right to it, but I think you need the practice doing these routine things that most of us take for granted. So go look for it.

Are you aware that if I added up all the time I've spent talking to you and explaining things to you and pointing out the OBVIOUS to you, and then multiplied that time by the hourly amount of money that I make at my day job that I would probably be able to pay my next mortgage payment with that amount of money?

Are you upset with my tone? Feel like reporting me to ebay? Be my guest! (Try to get my name right - the FIRST time. Want my address - AGAIN?) If you check my activity levels lately you'll see I've just about ceased selling. The only thing I've sold lately are the 4 nickels you returned to me, at better prices than you paid for them I might add. Feel like reporting me to PayPal? Be my guest! They'll tell you that I sent you the refund that you've overlooked, forgotten or sent to one of your relatives in outer space, and that there is no further recourse open to you.

I hope you will take great pride in your status as my personal "worst person EVER".

TOTALLY sincerely,

Steve

(ps.If you really can't find that refund in your PayPal account don't hesitate to get back to me. I'll tell you exactly which keys you need to press in order to find it.)